Hilarious Sayings and Phrases

Agreed that life is not a bed of roses, but to live life to the fullest, you should not take it too seriously. In the pursuit of attaining success and fame, we become so focused, that sometimes we forget to smile. So, slow down and lighten up and try to have a good laugh.

If you have forgotten how to laugh, then reading some hilarious sayings will do the trick. Life may sometimes seem unpleasant or unfair, but cribbing and complaining about it will not change your situation or circumstance.

So the best way to deal with what life has given you is with a smiling face and an optimistic outlook. Want to know what are some of the most hilarious sayings? Here are a selection of hilarious phrases to make you chuckle with joy and mirth.

Here is a selection of hilarious quotes to tickle your funny bone. Read these funny sayings and phrases whenever you are feeling blue or sorry for yourselves.

❆ The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity. ~ Voltaire

❆ An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie

❆ Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's really where you wish they were. ~ George E. Bergman

❆ I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ~ Rita Rudner

❆ I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

❆ There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~ Woody Allen

❆ A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. ~ Dennis Miller

❆ I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. ~ Joe E. Lewis

❆ Someday your prince will come. Mine took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions. ~ Anonymous

❆ It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

❆ Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. ~ Albert Einstein

❆ Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx

❆ If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. ~ Woody Allen

❆ Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

❆ It is not necessary to understand, or believe, things in order to argue about them. ~ Pierce Caronde Beaumarchin

❆ Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic? ~ Lily Tomlin

❆ I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back ~ Henry Youngman

❆ I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. ~ Oscar Wilde

❆ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

❆ If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all. ~ Joey Adams

❆ Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks. ~ Jean Kerr

❆ Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~ Edger Bergen

❆ I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. ~ Woody Allen

❆ When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. ~ Elayne Boosler

❆ It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. ~ Dave Barry

❆ I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose .~ Dennis Miller

❆ Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. ~ Oscar Wilde

❆ I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. ~ David Bissonnett

❆ Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather just lie around. No contest. ~ Eric Clapton

❆ My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ~ Rita Rudner

❆ The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. ~ Julia Child

❆ Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice. ~ Bill Cosby

❆ To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ~ Helen Rowland

❆ I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which are immediately proved wrong. ~ Murray Walker

❆ I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. ~ Groucho Marx

❆ Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. ~ Anonymous

These were some hilarious sayings and phrases. Reading these hilarious quotes and sayings are sure to make you laugh out. Hope that reading these funny quotes and sayings will make you feel happier and lighten your mood.